A time to reflect...

Hello everyone. My last post dealt with some forced time off due to a back injury I've been dealing with, and am still dealing with. Not much has changed, I'm waiting to see the experts in the Physical Medicine department, and unfortunately have to wait another four weeks to do so. I've been trying everything I know to help speed up the recovery process, but nothing seems to help. There was some relief and hope that things were healing when I began going back to the gym, riding the recumbent bike, and then doing some core work and stretching afterwards.

As soon as it started feeling better, of course I hopped on the bike and went for a ride. Not a hard ride, but two hours out on the road. Well, that was a case of two steps forward and five steps back! Needless to say, I've taken this whole week off thinking maybe the one thing I haven't tried, complete rest, minus going to work, might be the answer. That's not working so well, it even appears to be making things worse.

A couple of months ago, maybe a few months ago, (I'm not good at keeping track of time!), I posted on Facebook that "a change was gonna come", or something to that effect. I preface what I'm about to say with that so nobody thinks I'm making a hasty decision.

I've gone through many different phases of my life as we all have, different hobbies, interests, activities, etc. One thing that has remained constant in all of these different seasons of my life is that whatever it is I've chosen to do, I've always tried to be the best I can be at it, not the best at it, the best I can be. I've never been one to dabble in many different activities at once. I'm not a jack of all trades kind of guy, definitely more of a master of one.

For the last eleven years the activity I've chosen to do that with has been cycling. First as a somewhat recreational-type mountain bike, then a more serious, hardcore rider, then making the jump to the road when I realized my talents didn't lie in the arena of bike-handling which mountain biking requires, but more in being able to hammer hard and climb well for extended periods of time. The pavement just made sense.

I can say the last eleven years have been nothing short of incredible. Through all the various interests/hobbies in my life, cycling was by far the most pleasurable, I would say it surpassed being a hobby, it became more of a passion. I've never been involved with something that not only provided so much joy, but I can literally say the bike took me places I never would have discovered otherwise, and I'm not just talking about the thousands of different roads I've had the privilege to ride.

The people I've met, the friendships I've made, the places I've seen, all because of a two-wheeled machine, one that most of us have ridden at one point in our lives, and some of us fell in love with. All of this has enriched my life in so many ways, something I never could have imagined when I clipped in to my first pedal. But it's the friendships that I've come to appreciate and value the most.

Bikes are wonderful, but the people that share the same passion I did for them are even better. I can't begin to count how many interesting, kind, sincere people I've met through the last eleven years on the bike, but I can count how many I wouldn't want to meet again on just one hand. The world of cycling is safe and secure because of that, I have no worries that cycling will someday go by the wayside, it's not gonna happen.

Of course before any of us had a chance to meet, the reason we started riding in the first place was a somewhat selfish one. We probably started riding out of a sort of curiosity, or maybe a need to improve our health, or who knows, there's a variety of reasons, but those of us who became passionate with the feeling of riding down the roads, experiencing the freedom that a bike provides, kept coming back again and again for more. Who could blame us, there's very little in my opinion that compares to the experience of riding down a back country road...taking in the sounds, the smells, the sights, from the seat of a bike, nothing compares.

But...you knew that was coming didn't you! In case you didn't notice earlier, I did say "the same passion I did". I don't know what to call it, some may say the proverbial "mid-life crisis", but I really don't think that's it. As I mentioned earlier, each and every hobby/interest I've had in my life, (and I don't think I've had many, because each I've chosen to do has taken quite a chunk of time because of my desire to excel in whatever I do), has always come to an close at some point. Not because I was frustrated, had a bad experience, etc, but because I knew I was finished, I had reached the point that I deemed satisfying, and I was ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. Sure, I could continue on a different level, take it easier, not so serious, but after being on this rock for forty years I've come to know myself fairly well, and I'm not one who is OK with doing anything halfway. And the thought of getting "dropped" on what use to be an easy ride, or having to stop halfway up a great climb, doesn't sit well with me. If you haven't figured out where this post is going, don't worry I'm about to spell it out for you:)

Yes, I've decided to officially hang up my helmet. Easy now, I know there's some out there who may think I'm making a terrible decision, I haven't thought it through, you're crazy Matt! As with other hobbies/interests I've had in my life, when the time came to move on to a new chapter I just knew it, it's not something I can explain, it's more of a feeling, and it's a feeling of peace. I've been racking my brain lately, stressing out over missing so much training with this back injury, and it just dawned on me recently that there's really no need for that, because if I take a step back and look at how my racing calendar has progressed over the last four years, I've been racing less and less each year, not intentionally, it's just worked out that way. Because of this recent injury I've had some time to reflect, and really ask myself if I have it in me to put in all the necessary work it would take to get back to a level of fitness/form that I need to be at to enjoy riding, and the answer is simply...no. I have other things I want to do at this point in my life, and just don't have the time to do them all well.

I have so many things I've been wanting to do that being so involved and dedicated to cycling has kept me from, and don't get me wrong, I don't regret a second of time I've ever spent in the saddle, but the time has come to change my focus and dedication. I've been wanting to be a better husband, better uncle, better son, better son-in-law, a better businessman, better homeowner, the list goes on and on, and with this newly found time I hope to do that now. Most of the people I've met through cycling have well established careers, businesses, families, etc, things that have been on my mind more and more recently. I played my way through my twenties and thirties, the time when these same people were making their way with the careers, businesses, and families. I'm forty now, and even though I do believe it's never too late to begin most anything in life, there will be a point where it's going to be too late for me to establish those same things.

So, in conclusion, I don't plan on losing contact with the many great friends I've met on the bike throughout the years, in fact just the opposite. I will stay in touch, hoping to hear some great stories about everyone's adventures out on the road and in the races. Cycling in my humble opinion, is the greatest activity/sport out there and I'm always going to support it in whatever way I can. And I need to say thanks to North County Cycle Club for encouraging me to take a chance and give racing a try, some of the best experiences I've ever had. A big thanks to
San Diego Bicycle Club, some of the best friends I had on the road came from this excellent club. And a huge thanks to Bailey Bikes and John Bailey in particular. Always there, always supportive. I know I learned more about training and racing in the last three years riding for Bailey then I did in the first eight years of riding combined! And the biggest thanks of all to my wife and family who always encouraged my days on the bike. Their patience and understanding for all the hours I was out on the road, never once making me feel anything less then supported and loved, was truly a gift. I can't wait to pay it back!

So this isn't a goodbye letter, more of a progress report. So keep in touch, I'll do the same, always be safe out there, and above all...have fun! Until next time...